PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES MOVIE REVIEW

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales is directed by Joachim Ronning and Espen Sandberg. It stars Johnny Depp, Javier Bardem, and Geoffrey Rush. The plot of the movie is when deadly ghost pirates led by Captain Salazar escape from the Devil’s Triangle, determined to kill every pirate at sea, Captain Jack’s only hope of survival lies in seeking out the legendary Trident of Poseidon, a powerful artifact that bestows upon its possessor total control over the seas.    The first three Pirates of the Caribbean movies are a lot of fun. Then Disney decided to milk more money out of this series and we got the fourth one and now we have a fifth one that nobody asked for. So Disney big solution to the nobody asked for this problem is to pretend like we have all been waiting for plot points to be resolved.    Johnny Depp is back as Jack Sparrow because god forbid Johnny Depp not grace us with his presence. I’ve seen him play this character not just in this series, but in other movies where he is supposed to do something different. As a result of seeing him do the same shit over and over this character has gotten almost unbearable. He is not funny at all.  Brenton Thwaites plays Henry Turner is the son of Will Turner. He sets out to find the Trident of Poseidon in hopes of undoing the ending of At World’s End. Javier Bardem is the Captain of another crew of ghost pirates who figure into Jack Sparrow’s origin story which just slows the movie down. Geoffrey Rush is back and still seems bored.    The ghost pirates aren’t as cool as the skeletons from the first movie. Salazar is just a retread of Davy Jones. They introduce Zombie sharks and that scene is fun but is over quickly. The movie is just over 2 hours, but when the credits came up it felt like a fucking week had gone by.    This movie is being advertised as the final adventure, but unfortunately, there is a scene after the credits which hints at a possible continuation.    1 out of 5 stars for Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tals. I hope you enjoyed my review and I hope it helped you decide whether to see the movie or not.

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PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: ON STRANGER TIDES MOVIE REVIEW

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides is directed by Rob Marshall and stars Johnny Depp, Penelope Cruz, Ian McShane, and Geoffrey Rush. The plot of the movie is Jack Sparrow and Barbossa embark on a quest to find the elusive fountain of youth, only to discover that Blackbeard and his daughter are after it too.    As I stated in my At World’s end review at the time that was supposed to be the final film, but nowadays everything has to be dragged out as long as possible so we got a fourth film that nobody wanted. I am in agreement with the majority that thinks this movie is bad.  This movie is just bogged down with so many things that are completely unnecessary. All the details that they need to try and find the fountain of youth I don’t mind that because as the movie goes on you understand why they need all these elements, but the extremes that they go to are just a little too much and there are a lot of pointless scenes. There is one scene where Jack Sparrow is debating whether or not to jump off a cliff so Blackbeard lies down a bunch of pistols that Jack Sparrow has to pick and see which ones have bullets and then Blackbeard has to shoot his daughter with it it’s really convoluted and slows the movie down.  You also have two new pointless characters who just exist because they wanted a new young lovers relationship. They are so boring and nowhere near as likable as Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann. Johnny Depp is once again Jack Sparrow and this was around the time when I was starting to get tired of Johnny Depp doing the same thing in every movie. Geoffrey Rush is back as Barbossa and for some reason, he is dressed like Captain Crunch this time, but on a serious note, he just looks bored throughout this movie.    The movie is very slow it takes about 30 minutes for Jack Sparrow and the other parties to actually set sail to find the fountain of youth and then another 30 minutes for it to really get exciting. The only things that I ever remember about this movie are the mermaid attack and Ian McShane as Blackbeard he was a great villain and you can tell he is having fun.    2 out of 5 stars for Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. I hope you enjoyed my review and I hope it helped you decide whether to see the movie or not.

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PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: AT WORLD’S END MOVIE REVIEW

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End is directed by Gore Verbinski and stars Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley, Bill Nighy, and Geoffrey Rush. The plot of the movie is Captain Barbossa, Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann must sail off the edge of the map, navigate treachery and betrayal, find Jack Sparrow, and make their final alliance for one last decisive battle.    This one is criticized as being the weakest of the series, but I enjoy this one a lot. The characters are still great. Johnny Depp returns as Captain Jack Sparrow the others have to rescue him from Davy Jones locker. Johnny Depp has a very funny sequence when he is trapped where he is imagining other versions of himself. Geoffrey Rush returns as Barbossa as we know Captain Barbossa died at the end of Curse of the Black Pearl and we saw him revived at the end of Dead Man’s Chest. In this film, it is explained that Tia Dalma revived Barbossa in order to help the crew stop Davy Jones. Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley they are often criticized for giving very wooden performances, but I really enjoy them in these movies and they do have some nice moments. I don’t think they are the strongest actors in this series, but they aren’t horrible. Bill Nighy returns as Davy Jones. He is amazing yet again a lot more is added to his story.    There are some emotional scenes in this movie. There is tension between Will and Elizabeth. They have a scene where Will confronts her about leaving Jack to die in the previous film. Also, it is revealed in this film that whoever stabs the heart of Davy Jones has to take his place and the end when you see who stabs the hart it is sad.  The action even though it is mostly saved until the end is still fun. At the time this was going to be the last movie, but nowadays everything has to be dragged out as long as possible so we got On Stranger Tides in 2011, but that’s for next time.     5 out of 5 stars for Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End.  I hope you enjoyed my review and I hope it helped you decide whether to see the movie or not.

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PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN’S CHEST MOVIE REVIEW

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest is directed by Gore Verbinski and stars Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley, and Bill Nighy. The plot of the movie is Jack Sparrow races to recover the heart of Davy Jones to avoid enslaving his soul to Jones’ service, as other friends and foes seek the heart for their own agenda as well.    This is a fantastic film. I know most people don’t like the sequels and that the first film was the only good one. I do think that The Curse of the Black Pearl is the best out of all of them, but this one is really good. What works great about this is that it does what a sequel should do it expands on the universe that was established in the first one. I also just love the fact that this is a darker movie. It’s a much more grim and bleak looking film. Even though this is a darker film it still has humor in it and it’s very funny in places.    This one is often argued as filler because the story doesn’t end at the end of this film. I don’t think this is complete filler there is a lot of important stuff that happens. There are some elements of filler which is bound it happen since this is only the first half of the story I didn’t find those moments to be boring or go on for too long though.  We get introduced to Bootstrap Bill who is Will Turner’s father and Stellen Skarsgard plays the role really well. He and Orlando Bloom have some great scenes together. Johnny Depp is again fantastic as Captain Jack Sparrow. Jack is very on edge in this film because of his debt with Davy Jones. Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley are just as likable as before and you do feel bad that their wedding was stopped and that they are thrown into another adventure. Another addition is Bill Nighy who plays Davy Jones he’s fantastic the guy is scary. All we know about the character in this film is that he’s angry and he’s broken hearten so he carved out his heart and put it in a chest. Davy Jones is a tragic villain we get to know more about him in At World’s End, but in this movie, the mystery surrounding him is really good.    The visual effects for this movie are outstanding Davy Jones’s crew look so disgustingly good. This film won the OSCAR for Best visual effect and rightly so the character of Davy Jones is a work of art.  5 out of 5 stars for Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest. I hope you enjoyed my review and I hope it helped you decide whether to see the movie or not.

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PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: THE CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL MOVIE REVIEW

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl is directed by Gore Verbinski and stars Johnny Depp, Geoffrey Rush, Orlando Bloom, and Keira Knightley. The plot of the movie is blacksmith Will Turner teams up with eccentric pirate “Captain” Jack Sparrow to save his love, Elizabeth Swann from Jack’s former pirate allies who are now undead.    When this movie came out everyone rolled their eyes at the idea for a few reasons the first is that basing a movie on a Disney ride is kind of like a new low. It made me think Disney has really run out of good ideas. Another reason is that the pirate genre itself is not that profitable. This was also the first Disney movie to get a PG-13 rating. So this movie had so much going against it. It had such an uphill battle that everyone’s jaw dropped when they saw the movie and it turned out to be better than expected.    This is an amazing action-adventure movie. Johnny Depp’s performance in this movie is incredible. This is a very unique character especially when you think of pirates. He’s always drunk, he sometimes mumbles a lot of his lines, but that plays into the charm of the character, he’s over-the-top. He’s funny, he’s a scumbag, but can be very heroic when he needs to be. A lot of people love him in this role. Sure nowadays when you think of Johnny Depp people’s first instinct is to roll their eyes and groan and I do the same thing. He just keeps doing the same type of roles, but at the time this was something very unique. Johnny Depp was even nominated for an OSCAR for Best Actor.    The other characters in the movie are also enjoyable my next favorite is Geoffrey Rush as Barbossa. Geoffrey Rush plays more of the typical cliched pirate, but he’s a great villain he chews up the scenery in the best way possible and he’s able to balance a mix of both charming and evil. It’s easy to tell that he is enjoying every second he’s on screen. Whenever Geoffrey Rush and Johnny Depp are on screen together they have great chemistry.    Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley are more the down-to-earth characters. They are just average people living their daily lives and then they get roped into this world of pirates and you do care for these two you want to see them get together.     The music is absolutely incredible the Pirates of the Caribbean theme is really memorable and is one of my favorite movie themes of all time. The action scenes are really great well choreographed and a lot of fun.    5 out of 5 stars for Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl. I hope you enjoyed my review and I hope it helped you decide whether to see the movie or not.

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KING ARTHUR: LEGEND OF THE SWORD MOVIE REVIEW

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword is directed by Guy Richie and stars Charlie Hunnam, Jude Law, and Eric Bana. The plot of the movie is robbed of his birthright, Arthur comes up the hard way in the back alleys of the city. Once he pulls the sword from the stone, he is forced to acknowledge his true legacy whether he likes it or not.    I saw this movie late, so I have seen all the reviews talking about how bad this was. I did still want to see it because I am a fan of the King Arthur legend. This movie is a fucking disaster. This movie is edited by a crackhead. The movie starts and you are just thrust into some kind of battle with elephants the size of a Sears Tower with wrecking balls. I don’t know who is fighting what or why and already I can tell this is going to be hard to sit through. So five minutes into this nightmare of a battle scene credits start playing and they can’t even do that right because in the middle of the names it has a location credit. So either this is the location or there is some artsy actor named Londinium. It often feels like there is something missing in the film, for example, a character will dive off of a cliff and then suddenly they are on horseback. So I was confused half the time I really do think that shit is missing.    Every one of the actors looks bored and none of the characters are interesting so it is really hard not to fall asleep. The pacing of the movie is awful it is a 2-hour movie it feels like 4. The visual effects look terrible it looks like a really bad video game. The movie is just one big mess don’t see it ever. This could very easily end up being my least favorite movie of the year.    0 out of 5 stars for King Arthur: Legend of the sword. I hope you enjoyed my review and I hope you never see this movie.

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EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING MOVIE REVIEW

Everything, Everything is directed by Stella Meghie and stars Amandla Stenberg and Nick Robinson. The plot of the movie is a teenager who’s lived a sheltered life because she’s allergic to everything, falls for the boy who moves next door.    The trailers did look interesting to me. It seemed like a fresh new take on a young adult romance and leaving the theater I felt that it should have been a TV movie. I’ll start off with the positives of the film. I think Amandla Stenberg was really good this girl is charming. I don’t know that she got some of the deeper stuff quite right, but she is a talented actress and her character was likable. Also, some of the scenes between the two main characters Maddy and Olly are nice scenes.    Now on to the negatives and the biggest is the dialogue it is some of the most cringe-worthy dialogue I have ever heard. Another big problem is Nick Robinson the actor who plays Olly this guy can’t act he gave a very wooden performance. My last issue with the film is the humor I didn’t laugh at all. They also put a twist in the movie which is very predictable.   Maybe those of you that have read the book would enjoy this a lot more than I did. I would say if you have nothing better to do and you really want to see it go just don’t expect much.  This isn’t one of the worst films of the year, but I’ll forget about it rather quickly.    2 out of 5 stars for Everything, Everything. I hope you enjoyed my review and I hope it helped you decide whether to see the movie or not.

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